She Says....

I wonder what my husband would say....

1. When watching television, custody of the remote controls belongs to:
a. the husband
b. the wife
c. whoever turned on the TV
d. whoever is stronger
e. whoever can find it underneath the cushions

2. Entertaining friends for dinner should be:
a. a catered affair
b. a sit-down meal lovingly prepared in your own kitchen
c. served buffet style
d. pot-luck
e. food brought home in boxes

3. A new car should be selected based on:
a. its purchase price
b. its performance, repair and insurance costs
c. what your business associates are driving
d. its color
e. the arrangement of the cup holders

4. The toilet seat should be:
a. down, with the lid closed
b. down, with the lid up
c. left up
d. left up or down, it doesn’t matter
e. up in his bathroom, down in her bathroom

5. The proper location for dirty clothes is:
a. the clothes hamper
b. the floor near the clothes hamper
c. the floor in the room where the hamper is located
d. on the furniture in the room where the hamper is located
e. near the bed so you can wear them again the next day

6. In the middle of summer, it’s best if:
a. the air conditioning is in full blast, at all times
b. the air conditioner is on, sometimes
c. no air conditioning, the electric fan will do
d. no air conditioning and no fan, a pamaypay will do
e. the windows are left open for the breeze to come in

7. Any home-cooked food is best if:
a. it is eaten immediately after it’s prepared
b. served with candlelight and soft music
c. it’s made the way mom made it
d. it has catsup on it
e. the fire department didn’t have to be called

8. The best way to travel on vacation is:
a. by plane
b. by train
c. by car
d. on foot hiking through the wilderness
e. separately, to different destinations

9. Trips to the mall should be made when:
a. there is a specific item that is needed
b. there is a big sale
c. it’s raining and there’s nothing else to do
d. you can’t find what you need at a tag sale
e. you have a new credit card

10. The volume on the stereo should be set:
a. low enough to allow normal conversation
b. loud enough to fully appreciate the quality of the recording
c. low enough so the neighbors don’t complain
d. loud enough to feel the vibrations
e. just low enough to avoid significant structural damage

11. Laundry should be done:
a. twice a week
b. weekly
c. every other week
d. monthly
e. when you run out of clean underwear

12. My idea of an exotic vacation destination is:
a. Hawaii
b. Thailand
c. Boracay
d. Tagaytay
e. Luneta Baywalk

13. Repainting the living room should be done by:
a. a licensed professional
b. the two of us working in harmony
c. the college kid down the street
d. whoever’s idea it was to repaint the room
e. the time your mother arrives to visit

14. When buying a new TV, it is important to consider:
a. the size of the room in which it’s located
b. what will fit in the entertainment center
c. your budget
d. how many people you’ll be inviting over for football games
e. whether you can fit it through the door

15. Before having children, you should be together for:
a. at least one year
b. at least two years
c. at least five years
d. at least nine months
e. one last quiet, romantic evening

16. Eating in bed is:
a. inappropriate under any circumstances
b. okay if you’re sick and can’t get up
c. acceptable if served on a proper bed tray
d. good to do while watching late night TV
e. an effective way to avoid having sex

17. The best videos to rent are:
a. the newest releases
b. classic films
c. romantic comedies
d. action dramas
e. found in stores with XXXX on the sign

18. When one of you feels he or she should lose weight, the other should:
a. insist that their partner is perfect just the way they are
b. be supportive
c. join in the weight-loss program
d. buy him or her a membership in a health club
e. move out until the diet is over

19. When the female is upset or angry, the male should:
a. be comforting
b. ask what the problem is
c. try to solve the problem
d. tell her to get over it
e. apologize. She’s already decided it’s his fault anyway

20. Household chores should be done by:
a. the wife
b. the husband
c. both of them working together
d. the maid -- if there is one, that's what you pay them for
e. the kids, that’s why you had them

21. When decorating your first home, the furnishings should be:
a. the latest style
b. an eclectic blend of antique and new
c. the best you can afford
d. purchased at tag sales
e. whatever you can swipe from your parents’ homes

22. You should attend a place of worship:
a. weekly
b. monthly
c. on major holidays
d. when your mother’s in town
e. when you find one that serves 1995 Domaine d’Auvenay Criots-Batard-Montrachet for communion

23. Taking out the garbage is the responsibility of:
a. the husband
b. the wife
c. whoever put the last item in
d. whoever is going out anyway
e. the household staff -- again, if there are maids

24. My idea of the ideal birthday party is:
a. a romantic dinner for two
b. cake and coffee with a few friends
c. a small gathering with family members
d. a surprise party with everyone I know
e. a celebration that would rival a Presidential inaugural

25. If we have an argument we should:
a. kiss and make up before we go to bed
b. sit down and discuss it like two rational people
c. go to separate rooms until we cool off
d. contact a marriage counselor
e. make sure all lethal weapons are out of reach

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My answers to this week's :)

Money & Marriage

Ahhh, money. It's something that married couples have to deal with in the entire course of their marriage, and even before. Remember wedding planning? It's just the start of the compromising, budgeting, wanting and having, wanting and not having, letting go of what you can't afford, and saving up for what you really, really want.

It was so much easier when we were single. We earn our own money. We pay for things we need, we buy things we want. We save money in our own accounts. We are accountable only to ourselves.

But all that changes when we get married. By law, everything we own at the time of marriage becomes conjugal. Everything we earn during the course of marriage is shared property. Now we can't spend for something just because of impulse, especially if the purchase would involve a lot of money. We have to think of how that one single splurge will affect the whole family budget.

I am aware that families have different setups, and as such, we all have different ways to handle the family money. There's the pooling of both incomes (if both are working) and just have one in charge of managing the finances. There's the I-pay-for-these-bills/purchases-you pay-for-those setup. There's also the option wherein you both contribute to a common fund and keep the rest for yourself. I'm sure there are other options. It's really dependent on the couple. Whichever works the best for you is the right fit for your family. This frequently takes trial and error, unfortunately.

We already had a joint checking account before we got married where we put in the money that we were going to spend for our wedding, and just kept it going when we got married. This is where we get most of our spending money for bills, tuition fee, hospital expenses, rentals (for clinic space), insurance, car expenses, child care expenses, etc.

At the beginning, when we didn't have any children yet, we did not pool our money and just contributed to the common pot.

However, we realized that it gives rise to some conflicts, especially since we don't really earn that much and that regularly (that's the problem with being self-employed and professionals) and it's difficult to decide on who pays for what if the common pot is just not enough. And, we kinda tend to go overboard with our personal, discretionary purchases. So, we decided to pool our incomes, and just give ourselves a small weekly allowance for our own discretionary purchases or personal savings. The family expenses come from the pooled income. So far, this setup has worked for us. We've kept spending for wants at a minimum (and we have to save for those wants from our allowance, just like students) AND we pretty much know where our income goes since we keep a rough record of what we spend on as a couple. There's a lot of transparency and less of the finger-pointing and quarrels (although I can't really recall any) regarding money. I'd admit, though, that this takes a lot of trust. But then, since technically, a married couple is supposed to be sharing in every material thing, shouldn't trust be a part of marriage, to begin with?

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This is my contribution to . Interesting theme this week! Join us!

Leap of Faith

I'm always sad when I hear of marriages falling apart. I agree that it's inevitable in some circumstances, but I believe it's mainly because one or both parties have reneged on their vows to love each other.

A wedding is not just about the celebration itself. It's a commitment for life, and the most important decision one makes in his/her life. Imagine, you're actually choosing a next of kin who has the right to everything you are and everything you own. You'll be having children together and raising them in a new family (I know, you don't really need marriage to have children, but that's not my point). But most of all, it's a vow to love each other, support each other through good times and bad, and grow old together. That's why it's not a decision to make lightly. It is, literally, a leap of faith...and love. One that will affect both of you and your children for the rest of your lives.

I found this vow for a renewal of marriage and I believe that this is what marriage should be all about:

On our wedding day, I made a choice. It was the most important and significant choice of my life and I made it only after a great deal of consideration. On that day, I chose you to be my husband/wife. I thought then that such a decision, once made, as final and irrevocable. Now I know that the selection of a life partner is not a one-time decision but an on-going process. Many times in the years since then, I have chosen you again. Faced with changes and alternatives, I have become keenly aware that a marriage lasts only so long as both partners desire each other above all others. As our lives have been affected by the ebb and flow of other lives and events, there have been many times when I could have chosen to go in a different direction. I did not. The reason is simple: no other person has ever aroused in me the feelings of tenderness, joy and caring which you elicit. I elect to stay with you not because I feel obligated to meet your needs but because you continue to meet mine. I live with you not because a legal document says that I am your wife/husband but because, in my heart of hearts, I still want to be by your side more than I want to be anywhere else.

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My entry to . This week's topic is commitment. Do join us!